The Murderous Ghoul
by JediMayukiDaAWESOME
Summary: Summary: While decontaminating Grimmauld's Place, the Weasley children, Harry and Hermione all go up into the upstairs toilet with Nymphadora Tonks to investigate the loud noises coming from there, only to find a murderous ghoul. My version of this event in OOTP. Slight RL/NT, RW/HG and HP/GW fluff, non-AU, funny little one-shot, rated T for language and slight suggestive themes.


**The Murderous Ghoul**

**Summary:**** While decontaminating Grimmauld's Place, the Weasley children, Harry and Hermione all go up into the upstairs toilet with Nymphadora Tonks to investigate the loud noises coming from there, only to find a murderous ghoul. This is my version of this event in OOTP. Slight RL/NT, RW/HG and HP/GW fluff, non-AU, funny little one-shot.**

Mrs. Weasley assembled Fred, George, Ron, Ginny, Harry and Hermione in the kitchen in Grimmauld's Place, ready to give them a run-down of what their next 'cleaning mission' involved. "There has been something creating loud noises in the upstairs toilet lately," debriefed Mrs. Weasley, "Your job is to go up there and find out what's wrong. If it can be fixed by yourselves, great, if not, Fred and George will have to maintain the problem since they're of age, while the rest of you get down here as fast as you can and tell us what's happening. Now, any questions?"

Ron put up his hand and asked "How come you haven't gotten Moody to check it out? He could see through the floors and find out what's wrong without even moving." Mrs. Weasley replied "He hasn't been around here lately, due to doing work for the Order. Anything else?" Everyone shook their heads and she smiled tightly and stated "Good. Now-"

Just as she was about to say something, a loud 'thump' was heard along with a 'crash' and a string of well-picked swear words and Walburga Black's portrait started to scream again. "Oh, _Tonks!_" Mrs. Weasley sighed exasperatedly as she saw the young Auror sprawled face-first on the floor with the troll leg umbrella stand lying painfully on her back. "I'm sorry!" Tonks wailed loudly as Walburga yelled about blood traitors and shape-shifting freaks, "It's that bloody flippin' umbrella stand: it gets me every time."

Mrs. Weasley ran down the hallway, Stunning all of the portraits as she went, until Sirius burst out of the living room to help her out as she reached Walburga Black's portrait, both of them wrestling the curtains as she screamed. "MUDBLOODS, MUDBLOOD LOVERS AND BLOOD TRAITORS! HOW _**DARE**_ YOU DEFILE THE HOUSE OF MY FOREFATHERS! BE GONE FROM HERE YOU FILTHY LITTLE-!"

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Mrs. Weasley and Sirius cried as they wrestled the curtain closed, before turning to the unfortunate young Auror in question.

Hermione and Ginny gingerly helped Tonks to her feet, with Harry and Ron lifting up the heavy troll foot umbrella stand off of her back and standing it back upright. Mrs. Weasley sighed as she came back and said "You really are hopeless when it comes to balance, dear. However, now that you're here; you can help out." Tonks brightened up and replied enthusiastically "Anything, Molly!" She pointed her wand at her and commanded "You're going upstairs with the children to find out who or what is making all the ruckus upstairs in the toilets. If you need help, give us a shout-out."

Tonks beamed and exclaimed "Alright! Come on, kiddos!" before trooping up the stairs, stumbling from time to time, with the teens following obediently in her wake.

As they reached the third landing, the ex-professor, Remus John Lupin, was coming out of the middle bathroom garbed in a towel around his waist and had another around his shoulders while using one end to dry his hair. To add to this picture of perfection, the hot steam from the bathroom shrouded his perfectly toned, scarred and lean body quite nicely, making him look angelic in appearance.

Yes, this was Tonks' image of _paradise_.

"Oh!" he said in slight surprise, "Sorry you lot, I thought you lot were downstairs." Tonks, who was trying hard not to blush but was failing slightly, just replied in a spluttering manner "No! N-No, it's fine, really. W-We'll just be going n-now!" She gave a nervous laugh while sweat-dropping and quickly power walked away up the stairs, tripping up at least five times as she climbed the stairs to the fourth landing. The teens and Remus all looked at each other and shrugged, except for Ginny and Hermione who just grinned at each other. The teens bade him farewell and followed Tonks up the stairs, not stopping until they caught up with her on the sixth and final floor in front of the toilets.

She was fairly pink in the cheeks and Hermione teased "Rather flushed in the face, aren't we Tonks?" She jumped and span around, waving her arms frantically in the air and stammered loudly then weakly "N-NO of C-COURSE not! Wh-Why would you think th-at, ya moron?!" They raised their eyebrows at this but they all became serious as a smashing sound and low growling came from the bathroom. Tonks, Fred and George all drew their wands and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny all raised a mop or a broom and Tonks counted "One … two … THREE! HYAAAAAAAAAH!"

She kicked the door down and charged into the large bathroom, doing an epic barrel roll while at it and raised her wand with both hands to the bath and shower, as if she was a cop on _The Bill_. The group cautiously came into the room as well, as Tonks slowly rose to her feet, and they all stared intensely at the thing in the bath as the group came to her side.

The creature was as tall as Remus, who had an impressive height of 6'3, and had muscles and had no hair. It's ears were pointy, like an elf's (a normal one, not a house elf), and had green skin and gleaming golden eyes and was naked except for an extremely tattered and dirtied towel around it's waist. The being was wet, due to the broken shower-head squirting hot water in small sprays, and it had its muscular arms at an angle away from its body.

The creature turned out to be a ghoul, a large, muscular ghoul.

And it seemed to stare hungrily right the young Tonks in front of him.

"Pretty … woman …" the ghoul slowly said in a misty tone of voice, bending down and stroking the side of her face. "Erm … thanks?" she replied, feeling slightly creeped out. Ron and the twins sniggered while Harry, Ginny and Hermione looked half sympathetic, half amused. The ghoul moved his head slightly closer and said slowly "Must … taste … pretty … woman …" before licking her from one cheek, down the jaw and to the other cheek. Tonks shuddered and exclaimed "Urgh!" before leaning back from him and wiping her face with the sleeve of her undershirt.

"Pretty … woman's … body … makes … a … beautiful … corpse …" the ghoul said and the group froze. Tonks looked down at her body and saw how her purple and black long-sleeved undershirt, her black, purple, red, yellow and white Weird Sisters shirt, her short dark denim skirt, her black stockings and her red knee high lace-up boots hugged every single womanly curve on her body. She managed to say "Oh, fu-" before he lunged at her chest, causing her to stumble back to the ground.

The teens let out a war cry and attacked the ghoul with the mops and brooms, causing no damage whatsoever, while Fred and George shot Stunning spells at it but to no effect. Tonks scrambled to the front of the group and yelled "GET YOURSELVES OUT OF HERE!" before the ghoul lunged again, but this time aiming for her neck.

Tonks managed to duck in time and the kids ran out of the bathroom, Ron and Harry standing protectively in front of Hermione and Ginny respectively. "RUN GINNY!" Harry yelled, "WE NEED MORE HELP! GET ANY OF THE ADULTS AND STAY DOWNSTAIRS! WE'LL KEEP THE BEAST AT BAY!"

"GO WITH THEM HERMIONE!" Ron shouted, "I'D RATHER DIE THAN SEE YOU GET HURT BY THIS FIEND!" The two boys gave out a battle cry, screaming out "TO DEATH AND GLORY!" Ron's mop and Harry's broom raised like tribal spears, and they jumped onto the back of the ghoul, holding on with their legs and their spare hands, the hand holding their 'weapons' striking it hard on the top of the ghoul's head. Fred and George grabbed the girls by their arms and Fred exclaimed dramatically "Let's go, Ginny! We must make haste!" She turned to him with a mock fearful face and cried "What about my darling brother and my dashing, romantic brave knight?" He shook his head solemnly and said in an extremely fake grave voice "Their fates are no longer in our hands. We must fly!"

The quartet ran down the stairs to the fourth landing when Fred stopped the group, turned to Ginny incredulously and screeched "_'My dashing, romantic brave knight?!'_" She went as red as her hair and argued hotly "It was a joke, Fred!" A voice from behind them asked curiously "What was a joke?" and the group jumped and spun around, seeing their ex-professor Remus Lupin standing there, fully clothed in a white dress shirt, blue cardigan, dark khaki pants and brown dress shoes and looking curiously at them. Fred pointed to Ginny and declared "She has a thing for the 'dashing, romantic brave knight' known as Harry Potter!"

"I DO NOT!" Ginny yelled, just as yells were heard and Harry and Ron landed painfully onto the landing, their 'weapons' broken and their bodies injured.

"Harry!"

"RON!"

The girls' cries were simultaneous and they ran to their sides, checking if they were alright. Harry groaned and blinked slowly but painfully up at the group surrounding them, gasping out due to being winded "We tried … to get her safe … Tonks … all alone … fighting … that foul fiend ... we … have … failed …" Harry collapsed from exhaustion and Remus gained a hard look on his face. He turned to the teenagers and commanded "Take them to Molly. She'll tend to their wounds. I'll go after her myself."

Hermione intervened "But Professor, it's too dangerous! If you get caught in the conflict, there'll be two adults who'll be killed. That ghoul is positively murderous." Remus then argued back "Even more reason for me to go. I'm an ex Defence Against the Dark Arts professor after all." They heard a scream and Remus paled. "TONKS!" he yelled, running up the stairs, "DON'T WORRY, I'M COMING FOR YOU!"

He just reached the top of the stairs to the fifth floor when he saw a massive green skinned monster wrestling a much smaller person down the stairs, coming to a stop on the fifth floor with the green skinned ghoul pinning the said small person beneath him. The pink-haired witch in question was having her hair turn white in fear, and Remus couldn't help but roar at the sight, roaring "YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT WITH YOUR **LIFE** YOU MOTHER FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! HYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Remus lunged at the ghastly creature, tackling him off of Tonks and into the hallway. He got on top of the creature and got his hands free, before punching the beast's head in with anger and rage. "HOW **DARE** YOU LAY YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON THAT ANGELIC WOMAN YOU DIRTY BASTARD?!" Tonks snapped out of her reverie and thought incredulously _'He … He thinks I'm_ **angelic**_?!'_ He continued yelling at the ghoul until that ghoul punched him back, and they were soon standing in the middle of the hallway, wrestling each other with their bare hands.

Tonks was standing up against the wall now, wide-eyed at the battle before her. Whenever the ghoul tried to get to her, Remus would fight back with extra strength. They were both bleeding now, and Tonks knew that the fight had to end soon. However, it got worse when the ghoul started to taunt him.

"The pretty woman will be as good as dead," he drawled out, "But maybe she'll be good to have my way with after I've tied you to the post and force you to watch." Something big snapped in Remus' head and he roared "**YOU'LL NEVER TOUCH HER AGAIN YOU MOTHER FU-**" Tonks' eyes widened at how large Remus' insult vocabulary was and he drew his wand and yelled "**PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!**" and the ghoul's arms and legs snapped together. Tonks mentally slapped her forehead and though _'Of all the spells I could've used; I didn't think to use a Full Body-Bind curse!'_ As the ghoul toppled over, he pulled his limbs apart and back-bended over his hands, before jumping and slamming Remus into the ground with his huge feet.

An audible snap was heard and Remus cried out in pain, causing Tonks to raise her own wand and cry "PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" and the ghoul toppled over again. As he fell, Tonks yelled out "REDUCTO!" and the ghoul evaporated into ash. Tonks sheathed her wand into a holder in her sleeve and ran to Remus' side.

"REMUS!" she cried, helping him sit up slightly, "Are you alright?!" He coughed a couple of times and groaned "I think my ribs are broken, but I'll be fine." She stroked his head and said "You'll be alright, Molly will fix you up in a thrice." He asked her worriedly "Are you hurt? The fall you took before had to have hurt." She shrugged and replied "Just a bit bruised, but I'll be fine. But still," she leant down and kissed his head gently "Thank you for standing up for me."

He looked a bit shocked at the kiss but nonetheless looked happy about it, but the moment was ruined when Harry, Sirius, Ron and the twins ninja jumped or barrel rolled into view and landed in an attacking pose, each and every one of them clad in armour made of pots, pans, rags, cardboard boxes and plastic containers, each doing a battle cry of their own. They were all armed with wands and kitchen utensils (Harry and Ron had two kitchen utensils instead), and Sirius yelled "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE BASTARD?!"

Tonks and Remus sweat-dropped and Tonks meekly replied "I've kind of killed it." The armed men looked kind of depressed and shot-down after a moment and Sirius muttered "Oh, well, okay then … we'll just … go, then …" The group filed out down the stairs and Remus and Tonks looked and each other and Remus asked cheekily "Now, where were we?" She grinned down at him, leant down and murmured in front of his lips "Right here."

Needless to say, that was the best kiss of their lives.


End file.
